Why parents not responsible for children's behaviour.

The task of parenting is becoming increasingly stressful and difficult for a lot of parents. Children are exposed to all sorts every day, on television, the internet and other sources.

In the past, children used to play outside all day. They came up with games to stay busy. They had no internet, no phones and the local television channels did not come up till evening.

Now, technology is fast taking over, shaping people’s lives and habits. It is affecting everyone’s lives including children who now rely on technology for the majority of their play.

Some Nigerian children are imitating what they see on their television screen and on the internet. They are exhibiting foreign habits and behaviours which were frowned upon in the past and parenting is getting harder and harder.

As children continue to go haywire, parents are being blamed for their children’s behavior.

You see a child behaving badly and the next thing you hear is “I blame his or her parents”. Not only does society blame parents, parents also blame themselves, thinking, “If I had done this or that, my child would not have turned out this way”.

But are parents to be blamed for their children’s behaviour?

We all know that children learn from everyone and everything around so it would be unfair to hold a single factor responsible for their behavior.

Understanding children’s behaviour

The years of early childhood are a crucial time for molding children. As they grow, they begin to exhibit certain behaviours, some good and others not so good.

As a parent, it is important to study and understand your child. To achieve this, you need to spend quality time with the child.

However, in this day and age when parents spend more time trying to make ends meet than spending time with their children, quality time is difficult to achieve.

READ ALSO: How can communication between adolescents and their parents be improved?

For example, a father and mother in Lagos both work on the Island and live on the mainland. They leave the house as early as 5am every day and get back home no sooner than 8pm. What time do they have to spend with their children?

In spite of this, whatever little time you have to spend with your child, use it well. Spending time with them talking with them will help you gain information and understanding of certain things about them.

Sometimes, a child’s behavior may be his or her way of trying to tell you something. Understand what your child is trying to tell you through his or her behavior and help them find a better way of communicating.

It is crucial to try to deal with a child’s behaviour early. Once you notice any behaviour that is unacceptable and getting out of hand, tackle it immediately. Do not let it linger.

Why children exhibit certain behaviours

• Frustration
• Fear of something
• Anger over something
• Seeking attention
• Peer pressure

How children’s behaviour’s are shaped

Children learn from everyone and everything. Their behaviour is influenced at home, in school and everywhere. Some people play a big role in shaping the behaviour of children

Parents

Children learn a lot by watching their parents. They pick up certain behaviours from their parents. If a child has aggressive parents, he may end up picking up such behaviour.

In Nigeria where everyone is always in hurry and some people find it hard to obey traffic or stay on the queue, some children might pick up such behaviour. Parents can sometimes serve as negative or positive models for their children. As parents, you should behave as you would like your children to behave because you could be shaping up your child's behaviour and personality.

Peers

Children are influenced by their peers and sometimes adopt certain behaviours from them. Sometimes, they pick up these behaviours just to impress or be accepted by their peers.

Why parents are not responsible for their children’s behaviour

1. It is the responsibility of parents to train their children in the way they should go but they are not responsible for their actions.

2. If a child behaves badly, it does not necessarily mean the parents failed at their responsibility. There are cases of children born into good families. They were brought up right but they still grow up to be bad.

For example, Kayode was born into a god fearing home. His parents are devout Christians who brought him up right. From Nursery to Secondary school, he was a good child who other parents used as a yardstick for judging their own children. As a hardworking and smart child, he gains admission into one of the best universities in the country. He joins a gang, ignores his studies and starts to misbehave. People start to blame his parents for his bad behaviour. Are they really to blame?

Society believes that if you are a good parent, your child will turn out okay and if you are not, your child will turn out bad. There are children born to irresponsible parents who are better behaved than those born to ‘upright’ parents.

READ ALSO: Reasons harsh parenting will backfire and make you lose your child

3. Children get to certain age where they are away from parents many hours of the day and you have less control over what they do during those hours. They meet different people and adopt good or bad behaviours.

As a parent, you struggle so hard to raise a good child who will behave right but then, he or she turns out differently. It can be so humiliating and annoying to see a child you struggled to raise right, misbehaving.

Like they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink”.

You can train your children right and teach them good behaviour, but they decide what they want and how they want to behave.

4. Not one person can be held responsible for the behavior of a child. As they grow older, they begin to make decisions and choose who they let influence, inspire or corrupt them.

What is the way forward?

Spend more time with your children and do not leave them to be brought up by maids while you keep chasing money.

Talk with them and ask them questions which will allow them to share how they are feelings or what they going through with you.

Do not compensate your absence from their lives with money. Sometimes, they just want your love, care and attention and not your money.

Do not leave the training of your children to their teachers.

Inculcate good values in your children from a tender age. Do not wait till things get out of hand. What you do not teach your child from an early age will not develop when he is older.                Author; N.Ikeke.

The history of Buhari's anti-corruption fight

President Muhammadu Buhari campaigned and possible won the 2015 election with a key focus on uprooting corruption from the Nigerian system and that area seems to be one point where many Nigerians have applauded him.

This focus on fighting corruption and indiscipline did not just begin as it dates back to when Buhari was Nigeria’s head of state when he toppled the government of President Shehu Shagari in December 1983.

Then a major-general, Buhari led the coup that toppled the Shagari’s second term administration and took over power.

One of the reasons given for the coup was because of the widespread corruption that was carried out in the Shagari administration. Nigeria had made a lot of money from the 1971-177 oil boom and it was reported that those in government and public service were recklessly spending the country’s money.

The newspaper cutting of Buhari's stance on corruption

Buhari came into government with his focus on tackling corruption and indiscipline. The then Brigadier Sani Abacha gave a speech highlighting the reason for the overthrow of the government which was captured in the newspaper of the period.

Part of the statement read: “Fellow countrymen and women, I, Brigadier Sani Abacha, of the Nigerian army address you this morning on behalf of the Nigerian armed forces. You are all living witnesses to the great economic predicament and uncertainty, which an inept and corrupt leadership has imposed on our beloved nation for the past four years. I am referring to the harsh, intolerable conditions under which we are now living. Our economy has been hopelessly mismanaged. We have become a debtor and beggar nation. There is inadequacy of food at reasonable prices for our people who are now fed up with endless announcements of importation of foodstuffs. Health services are in shambles as our hospitals are reduced to mere consulting clinics without dr^gs, water and equipment. Our educational system is deteriorating at an alarming rate. Unemployment figures including the undergraduates have reached embarrassing and unacceptable proportions. In some states, workers are being owed salary arrears of eight to twelve months and in others there are threats of salary cuts.

“Yet our leaders revel in squandermania, corruption and indiscipline, and continue to proliferate public appointments in complete disregard of our stark economic realities. After due consultations over these deplorable conditions, I and my colleagues in the armed forces have in the discharge of our national role as promoters and protectors of our national interest decided to effect a change in the leadership of the government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and form a Federal Military Government. This task has just been completed.”

Buhari didn’t just emphasize his interest in fighting corruption as mentioned in his own first address to the nation after the coup.

He said: “Since what happens in any society is largely a reflection of the leadership of that society, we deplore corruption in all its facets. This government will not tolerate kick-backs, inflation of contracts and over-invoicing of imports etc. Nor will it condone forgery, fraud, embezzlement, misuse and abuse of office and illegal dealings in foreign exchange and smuggling. Arson has been used to cover up fraudulent acts in public institutions. I am referring to the fire incidents that gutted the P&T buildings in Lagos, the Anambra State Broadcasting Corporation, the Republic Building at Marina, the Federal Ministry of Education, the Federal Capital Development Authority Accounts at Abuja and the NET Building. Most of these fire incidents occurred at a time when Nigerians were being apprehensive of the frequency of fraud scandals and the government incapacity to deal with them. Corruption has become so pervasive and intractable that a whole ministry has been created to stem it.

“We are confident and we assure you that even in the face of the global recession, and the seemingly gloomy financial future, given prudent management of Nigeria’s existing financial resources and our determination to substantially reduce and eventually nail down rises in budgetary deficits and weak balance of payments position. The Federal Military Government will reappraise policies with a view to paying greater attention to the following areas: The economy will be given a new impetus and better sense of direction. Corrupt officials and their agents will be brought to book.”

The history of Buhari's anti-corruption fight

One case that epitomises the seriousness of Buhari’s anti-corruption crusade was the Dikko affairs. Dikko was a former minister of transportation during the administration of the toppled Shagari government. As soon as Buhari came into government, he fled to the UK as there was allegation that he stole $1 billion in oil profit while in government.

In an attempt to bring him back to the country to face trial, the Nigerian government collaborated with a former Israeli Mossad agent to “smuggle” Dikko out of the UK. The plan was however botched as security operatives were alerted who swooped in and rescued the unconscious former minister where he was hidden in a luggage.

It didn’t come as a surprise to many when Buhari returned on the campaign of fighting corruption in 2015. Although he described himself as a converted democrat, his position on corruption seems to be the same with the renewed vigour the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has been employing in dealing with high profile alleged corrupt politicians.

Although there has been allegation that the anti-corruption fight has been one-sided and targeting only politicians in the opposition party, the Buhari government seems to be squarely focused on pursuing this fight for as long as possible and in this case, it might last for at least four years as compared to when his military administration was cut short by a coup in 1985.     Author; O.Yusuf.