PROCREATION AND CHILD-REARING:
NEED TO FOLLOW COUNSELLING GUIDE
By:
Engr. Prof. Sabit A. Olagoke, JP@:
NEED TO FOLLOW COUNSELLING GUIDE
2015 Ramadhan Lecture
Organized by
Sunday,
June 28, 2015
1.0
INTRODUCTION
  |
For a well ordered society, good family
genealogical continuity, community development and nation building the factors
of change agents in the socialization process of the child must be monitored to
avoid bad influence! This can only be achieved if the child is bred in a Godly
minded environment where things are done accordingly and a good home where
parents are role model. The areas of
procreation, child custody and child rearing are therefore very crucial to help
the child have a strong frame that is capable of resisting any storm of life or
negative influence - social media, peer group, government etc. Let us therefore consider the following on
the need to follow right counseling guide.
2.0
MATING
This must follow certain rites based on
cultural guide or religious rights. In
Nigeria, we have civil, Islamic and customary form of legal system of
marriage. In Islam we have the following
marriage tenets:[1]
Love
foundation – intending couples consent
Parents
consent is paramount
We
must say ‘No’ to forced marriage
We
must say ‘No’ to child marriage
No
to fornication before marriage
No
to adultery after marriage solemnization
The
courtship must be free of sentiment but rather a period of studying weaknesses
and strengths of each of the partners by themselves with observatory support of
witnesses. It is a period of standing to
agree to decide before finally informing parents for their support.
During courtship period, experiences of passion
and temptation must not be allowed to becloud sense of judgment on mating (sex)
issues to retain and maintain virtue.
This is because of all the six combinatorial possibilities, only one
leads to virtuous marriage and blessed home formation:
Table
1: Possible Combinatorial Approach to Enter Marriage[2]
S/n
|
Mating Path
|
Status
|
Implication
|
1
|
L-S-M
|
Anti-Scriptural
(X)
|
Common but with
doubtful good future. Marriage may condone suspicion and infidelity
|
2
|
S-L-M
|
Anti-Scriptural
|
Remote. Hardly leads to marriage. Fragile home of mistrust may be built
|
3
|
L-M-S
|
Scripture
compliance
|
Best for home
formation where couple trust each other with increasing love profile. May resist peer group or outside
interference
|
4
|
M-S-L
|
Anti-scriptural
|
Characteristic
of child marriage or forced marriage.
It is with associated medical problem (VVF) for child marriage and
with love lack for forced marriage.
Must be discouraged
|
5
|
M-L-S
|
Anti-scriptural
|
Facebook
marriage. Remote and uncommon
|
6
|
S-M-L
|
Anti-Scriptural
|
Common. Marriage is fraught with suspicion and
accusation of infidelity
|
The above analysis is critical to home
formation and fundamental to the success of every marriage. This is an area of challenge to the
counselors – counseling clinic, therapy, guide for teens, adolescent and for
marriage stability. Religious people
must guide their followers – parents and teenagers, adolescents or youth to
follow the holistic path of Love (L) – Marriage (m) – Sex (s) = L-M-S
3.0
GESTATION
PERIOD
This
period of pregnancy development must be preceded by religion rites (prayer)[3]
Nurturing
must be guided by medical advice and spiritual guide
Destiny
of the child is decided at this stage[4]
Consider
the Table 2 below:
Table
2: Gestation and Metamorphosis
S/n
|
Meta-morphosis
|
Period of Gestation
|
Formative Process
|
S/n
|
Arabic
|
Womb Development Stage
|
Divine Intervention
|
Period of Age
|
1
|
1st
Week
|
Egg
formation mixes with male drop of semen
|
1
|
Yaa Robbu
nutfatan
|
O Lord, a drop
of semen
|
·
Mating and seed formation
·
Prayer need by couple
|
Zero
month (days)
|
|
2
|
Foetus
(2.5cm)
|
2nd
week (size 2.5cm)
|
Clot
of blood
|
2
|
Yaa
Robbu alaqatun
|
A clot of blood
|
·
Formation of placenta and prayer
guide by the woman and her husband
|
40
days
|
4
weeks
|
Placenta
and cord formation – heart, brain and blood vessels already formed
|
3
|
Yaa
Robbu mudgatun
|
A little lump of flesh
|
·
Prayer need for perfect formation
|
8
weeks
|
||
3
|
Embryo
(8mm)
|
6
weeks
|
Heart
begins to beat (32)
|
4
|
Others
|
Others unto
full formation
|
·
Destiny determination
·
Prayer need
|
3
months to 9 months
|
8
weeks
|
Major
organs formed – lungs, kidney, liver and the intestines
|
5
|
Others
|
Others unto
full formation
|
·
Destiny determination
·
Prayer need
|
3
months to 9 months
|
||
12
weeks (3months)
|
Fully
formed – muscles, bones and limbs in place.
Pregnancy begins to show
|
|||||||
20
weeks
|
Heads
and body in good proportion. Hair begins to grow. Mother may feel movement
for the first time
|
|||||||
4
|
Child
preparing journey for delivery and life survival
|
28
weeks
(220-240mm
long)
|
Body
covered with tiny hair called ‘lanugo’. Viable for life. Good chance to survive.
|
|||||
Source: Olagoke, S.A. (2013) Girl Child and
Womanhood: Issue of Empowerment
4.0
PROCREATION
AND CHILD REARING
4.1
Procreation
Attend
well the ante-natal for medical fitness
Ensure
you buy the baby materials (adequate and necessary before the delivery date)
The
best delivery process and approach is through the medical care and means in a
standard hospital with certified medical professionals
4.2
Child Custody
May
be necessitated in case:
·
The
mother died during or after child birth
·
The
mother is sickly
·
The
parent needs experience hand for better expertise
Case
studies
·
Annatu,
the mother Mary and Zachariyah, the husband of Bintu (Elizabeth) [6]
·
Aminat,
the mother of the Holy Prophet Mohammed and Alimat of Shadiah according to
Saudi Arabia culture and tradition
Child custody must
be holistic in love, care, passion, feeding and protection for the child in
hazard free environment that is free of abuse.
5.0
CHILD
REARING: CHILDREN GROWTH PROFILE
Two
things are crucial to right development of children:
Development
of native intelligence through parents and immediate environment
·
There
is therefore a dire need for child-parent contact over a period per day. Stories are told to develop child’s intelligence
and learning culture[7]
Establish
the supremacy of God and the best practices in worshipping Him[8]
·
Teach
the child to be hard working even when efforts are not acknowledged but always
set on achieving quality and standard and seek for God’s favour
·
Ensure
the child achieve in the areas of forming the best personality trait, right
alignment with God through achieving a state of piety for just worship[9]
·
Nature
nurturing on behavioural control and morality to live a life of respect,
humility and sincerity[10]
·
These
are typical of informal education
Education
as nutrient for growth[11]
·
Formal
education has set of procedures through syllabus guide and curriculum delivery
·
It
is a function of age with peculiar environmental standard for the even growth
of the child
·
It
rejuvenates children growth and development through three main domains:
- Affective:
Behavioural moulding and character formation
- Cognitive: The
knowledge acquired with additional development of wisdom. Promotes scholarship
- Psychomotor:
promotes skill acquisition and application of knowledge. This is the basis of professionalism
The
figure below is a developmental profile through education
 |
Any
lack is a deficiency that may lead to inferiority complex in future.
Food
For Thought
· Safety of the
environment and security of our child must matter most to us because people and
circumstances can capitalize on their innocence and inexperience, for example
- Beware of
kidnappers and child abusers
- Do not place drugs
or any toxic materials around where children can crawl or walk, not to allow
accident. Cases of children drinking
hypo mistaken for water or mistakenly drinking kerosene or acids are now
rampant. What of all those drugs that
are meant for our first aid adult
Please beware and
play safe.
The role of culture, religion and education
is prominent in the character formation and personality type of mankind. Avoid cultural savagery, religious bigotry
and educational quackery not to have a poor future of gerontology. The diagrams below emphasize the need to have
a strong foundation:
- Medically for
healthy periods of prime and old age
- Diet wise for good
physique, developed mental faculty and healthy physiology
- Educationally for
effective service delivery and
- Spiritually for a
life of piety full of achievement and integrity
Figure: Growth Profile Into Total Personality Regime
7.0
BE
RIGHTLY GUIDED
Most of the
problems we experience at old age are as a result of the defect in our nature
nurturing and socialization process. We
must therefore avoid this for our children by taking better care of them:
Happy
home is better than separation due to divorce because the child will bear the
burden of suffering
Consult
right medical personnel rather than patronizing the quacks. Avoid self
medication
Play
safe and avoid accidents
Make
a right career choice rather than play truancy. Be hard working rather than
being lazy
Live
a Godly life rather than that of waywardness and frivolity
Be
scripture compliant and offer a just worship for a right, divine inspiration to
guide you through life endeavours. Be
wise, be rightly guided.
Thanks and God
bless.
Ramadhan kareem.
[1]
Q33 vs. 21, Q4 vs. 34
[2]
Q17 vs. 32
[3]
Q76 vs. 1-3, Q23 vs. 11-12, Q31 vs. 14
[4]
Q57 vs. 22-23
[5]
Q3 vs. 44
[6]
Q31vs. 13
[7]
Q31 vs. 13
[8]
Q31 vs. 15
[9]
Q31 vs. 17
[10]
Q31 vs. 18-19, Q22 vs. 38
[11]
Q96 vs. 4-5
[12]
Q30 vs. 54
'Religious groups should be used in promoting healthcare' - Experts say
Health experts have said religious groups could be a most useful tool in promoting healthcare and fighting disease outbreak.
The experts stated that religious groups are an under-used health resource that could help achieve universal healthcare and accelerate the medical response to disease outbreaks.
According to a study published in the Lancet medical journal, faith-based organizations such as the Islamic Relief or theSalvation Army are the only health providers in some regions and the medical community should build on their experience, reach and influence to save lives.
Study author, Edward Mills also said in a statement that"religious groups are major players in the delivery of healthcare, particularly in hard-to-reach and rural areas that are not adequately served by government,"
The study further said during the Ebola outbreak in West Africafaith groups were key mediators, persuading communities to drop their custom of embracing the dead, and providing vital medical services and support.
They also provide support with anti-malaria campaigns, maternal health and HIV services.
Furthermore, in Sierra Leone, Muslim and Christian leaders led the United Nations children's agency (UNICEF) campaign which increased immunization rates in children to 75% from 6%.
To this end, Mills called on the general medical community to recognize the magnitude of services offered (by faith-based groups) and partner or support (them) to provide long-standing improvements in health.
World leaders are due to adopt new development targets, such as ending poverty, reducing child mortality and tackling climate change later this year to replace eight expiring U.N. Millennium Development Goals (MDGs).
RAMADHAN: THE GREAT TEACHER
By:
Engr. Prof. Sabit A. Olagoke, JP
MNSE, MNSChE, REGD. ENGR (COREN), MNIEM, MNIM, MIRDI, MAES, FCMPA, FRecon, FISM {Ghana}, FNATE, FIPMD, CFIARCP, SPE, COM
Chief Lecturer/Dean, School of Engineering, Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro
Research Professor, Organisation of Economists & Business Analysts of Nigeria
COREN Engineering Regulation Monitoring Inspector, Ogun-Lagos Zones
Frmr Head, Dept. of Mechanical Engineering, Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro
Fellow, Nigerian Association of Technologists in Engineering
Chairman Senate in Africa, Bradley University, USA Baaroyin Radio Nigeria
Commander of the Order of Melchizedek (COM)
The Ajagun Esin (Religion Warlord) Oyo State, Nigeria
Grand Patron, National Youth Council of Nigeria (Oyo State Chapter)
Executive Director, Centre for Religious Cooperation and Tolerance (CRCT)
Distinguished Fellow, Department of Religious Studies, University of Ibadan
Patron, National Association of Nigerian Football Coaches (Oyo State Chapter)
Founder, Spiritual Head & Chief Imam, Shafaudeen In Islam Worldwide
1.0 INTRODUCTION
Ramadhan as the 9th month of the lunar Calendar and as a spiritual exercise is the 4th pillar of Islam that may be 29 or 30 by the general consensus of the Ulamah who must have been empowered by:
Moon sighting through the sky where climate is favourably disposed to it or Calculation advantage of the alternating design of 29 or 30 of the Lunar Calendar favoured by the good intention and efforts of the Ulammah, for example, the League of imams of Yoruba land, Delta and Edo States Consensus of opinion based on the advantage of modern day technology via ICT and globalization and internet exploration making Saudi the centre of focus for the purpose of uniformity by all across the nook and crannies of the world.
Ramadhan as a teacher holds the weapon of education where the curriculum delivery is usually through the Train the Trainers approach. Ramadhan is a pedagogue that demands Islamic scholars or teachers to get prepared right from the month of Rajab with the following behavioural objectives through perfect divine design:
Rajab: For Body Preservation From Sin[1] Sha’aban: For Soul Purification[2] Ramadhan: For the prepared body to receive spiritual rejuvenation for the attainment of fear of God. Laelatul Quadri is for destiny restoration. |
Shawwal month six fasting exercises are to revisit our performances in the month of Ramadhan and make supplement to strengthen our weak areas.
Hadith
Qaalaa Nabbiyu (SAW)
Fadlu sha’aban alaa saairi shu’uuri, kafadlii alaa saairi anbiyaai, wafadlu ramdan alaa saairi shu’uuri , kafadlillahi alaa ibaadi-i
The superiority of the month of sha’aban over other months is like my superiority over other prophets and superiority of the month of Ramadhan over other month is like the superiority of Allah over his creations
Qaala (SAW) atadruuna lima sumiya sha’aban? Qaalu: Allahu wa rasuulu-u a’alamu. Qaala lianau yatasha’abu fii-khayrun kathiiran
The Prophet (SAW) asked (his companions) “Do you know why the month is called sha’aban? They replied: Allah and his messenger know better than us. The prophet replied: it is the month of great manifestation of Allah’s grace” . Furthermore, he said, “you clean the body during the month of Rajab, clean the heart during the month of sha’aban and clean the spirit in the month of Ramadhan. If you do not clean the body in the month of Rajab, clean the heart in the month of sha’aban? How can you receive the inspiration of Allah (the spirit of inspiration)
Therefore, the month of Rajab is for forgiveness from sins, sha’aban for purification of the heart and Ramadhan for revival of the spirit”
Meaning or implying:
Body preservations from sins – Rajab Soul purification from evil thoughts – Sha’aban (Nisfu sh’aban is divine ordainment) Just worship from pious worshipper for spiritual or divine rejuvenation when disrupted destiny is restored (destiny restoration Ramadhan)
2.0 RAMADHAN AS A PEDAGOGUE
The great teacher lectures mankind through the well prepared lecturers for the purpose of self realization, self actualization to be able to make positive impact on the society using Positive Mindset Model to achieve the objective of the fasting exercise – fear of God.
RAMADHAN: STRUCTURE AND MESSAGE5
Structure
|
Vitiation(s)
|
Process
|
Message
|
· Tarawwiyya
· Iftar
· Sawr
· Tefsir (sermon, lectures etc.)
· Qiyyamu laeli
· Talawatil Qoran
· Laelatul Quadri
· Zakatul Fitri
· Eid El Fitri
|
· Alcohol
· Drug
· Deliberate break of fast
· Eating or drinking during the day
· Romance during the day
· Adultery or fornication
|
· Compulsory for: above puberty age, male and female
Pay back
· Journey with fatigue
· Sickly
· Menstrual period break
Exemption
· People with terminal disease or psychosis
· Breast feeding mother
· Aged
|
Fear of God for
· Divine intervention
· Special divine favour
· Warding off evil
· Protection
· Prosperity
· Ease of achievement
· success
|
3Q61 vs. 1-4
4Q29 vs. 45
4.0 RAMADHAN: OBJECTIVES AND ITS IMPLICATION
The fear of God is the objective of Ramadhan for humans to do things through due process6. This is to ensure that a just worship is observed7. The implications therefore are that:
Ramadhan is compulsory for all eligible Muslims At the end of Ramadhan, observers must have imbibed the culture of fear of God, piety and humility The spirit of fear is bad and must be avoided but the fear of God is good through being obedient to the rules of law8
Let us study the implications of fear of God in the table below:
S/n
|
Bible
|
S/n
|
Qoran
|
1
|
Isaiah 41 vs. 8-9, Rome 6 vs. 18: Servant of God is characterized with fear of God
|
1
|
Q30 vs. 28: Muslims are expected to be servants of God and not servants of man or wealth
|
2
|
Proverb 1 vs. 7: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but fools despise wisdom and instruction
|
2
|
Q2 vs. 183: Achieving fear of God is a must for all Muslims – the objective of Ramadhan
|
3
|
II Timothy 1 vs. 7: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love and of a sound mind
|
3
|
Q22 vs. 38: Fear of God must be our focus. Avoid arrogance, boasting, ingratitude
|
4
|
Proverb 14 vs. 26-27
- In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence, and his children shall have a place of refuge
- The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death
|
4
|
Q2 vs. 21, Q3 vs. 102
- Your guardian, Lord! Who created you and those who came before you, that ye may become righteous (fear of God)
- O ye who believe! Fear Allah as he should be feared and die not except in a state of Islam (tranquility of the mind and peace in the environment)
|
5
|
Dividend – Isaiah 41 vs. 10-11
- Fear thou not, for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God, I will strengthen then, yea, I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness
- Behold all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded, they shall be as nothing, and they that strive with thee shall perish
|
5
|
Dividend – Q8 vs. 29
- O ye who believe if ye fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion (to judge between right and wrong), remove from you (all) evil deeds and forgive you: for Allah is the Lord of grace unbounded.
|
5Q2 vs. 183-184, Q8 vs. 29
6Q2 vs. 183, John 4 vs. 34, Q33 vs. 21, Q2 vs. 208, Q12 vs. 108
7Q51 vs. 56, Q2 vs. 21, Q3 vs. 102
8Mathew 5 vs. 19, Q6 vs. 163
5.0 RAMADHAN ON RELIGION ARTICULATION THROUGH EDUCATION
Ramadhan recognizes the universal concept of education on a tripartite stand of three domains. Each domain stands on the constituent objectives of religion for the developmental realization of mankind9 on essential services and infrastructural development:
Ramadhan is to inspirationally input power of discerning mind for ease of knowledge (scripture, text) internalization13 and for ease of application.
6.0 CONCLUSION
Ramadhan visits on seasonal basis, annually processing mankind, Muslims in particular for a sanitized society into a well ordered state on issues of good leadership and followership. The living ones must use the opportunity to be better Muslims and better performers.
Acquired education must reflect in the way we apply the lessons learnt for better behaviour and governance and performances. Parents therefore must guide their children and wards by these messages so that they do not become victim of social decadence from local, internet and globalization negative influences.
Muslims deserve to offer best global practices worthy of emulation for the efforts of Ramadhan the great teacher, not to be in vain.
Thanks and God bless
Exercise:
1. Assess yourself and sincerely identify your areas of lack in the three domains and the environment of divinity. Technically present how will use the occasion of this Ramadhan to make amend.
2. As a professional, ethics and rules of law are germane to achieving success. Present a decision chart on how you will ensure standard, quality, justice, equity as may be applicable, using the advantage of the great teacher, Ramadhan with us.
3. Assess your areas of weaknesses before Ramadhan and present how will use Ramadhan period to effect correction for perfection.
4. Present a comprehensive report on how you will achieve through Total Quality Assurance message of Ramadhan to live a pious or modest life after Ramadhan.
5. Advice government on how best to achieve peace and development through justice and equity for our democratic rule for maximum security.
9Q17 vs. 90
10Q41 vs. 33-35
11Q20 vs. 14, 87 vs. 6-9
12
13Q29 vs. 45
14Q61 vs. 2-4
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